So, if anyone’s noticed, I’ve been off Facebook for over a week, which for me is strange (Hi, I’m Elyse and I’m a Facebook addict.)
I’ve been working since then, on getting these tracks right. And I’ve been thinking.
I’ve never really been in a place in my life where I am comfortable with who I am and what I’m doing. I gave up music back in 2005 because everyone told me that being a musician was far fetched and a hobby. I went into insurance, and child care, stuffy office jobs and struggled for every cent because people perceive me as being different from them. I’ve gotten warnings from work for being too quiet, too anti-social, too artistic, too opinionated, too fast, too good at what I do. Honestly. I’ve been told to slow down at work in order to keep the pace with everyone else. “You’re making everyone else look bad”. I’ve been rejected from job interviews for seeming too intelligent to fit into the office culture.
And I find myself unemployed & seemingly, unemployable. I don’t fit in enough for anyone to take a shot at me. Every job I’ve had they’ve hired me out of desperation, rather than based on my skills and experience. I don’t know what to do.
So I initially found comfort in my guitar. Singing a few little songs to myself was calming. Then melodies, words and beats started to come back to me. This writing block I’ve had for a long time seemed to crumble. I wrote a song. I composed it myself, all the instruments. Something new.
I feel more human than I’ve felt in YEARS.
So, I’ve decided that before my 26th (next month on the 23rd) I’m going to put out a fully fleshed EP. It’s going to be called “Monster”. “A bizarre or whimsical creature”. That image above is the cover.
I don’t know how it’s going to turn out, and I’m a little terrified of putting myself in such a position, but that’s what my plan is.
Of course, I’ll be looking for work and praying for rain during that time, but I consider this my ointment. To fix the hole I made to fit in.
Because it’s pretty clear, I’m not one of them. And I think it’s time to celebrate that.